Bittersweet Has a Terrible Bite

I had something hit me like a brick wall today, and I cried for the first time in a while. For the sake of not bashing anybody, I am not going to use names. But here's how it goes....

There is this person whom is rather important in my life, that as of late, has not been around. They have chosen to make some rather unfortunate decisions that have caused our relationship to be, as some would call it, "on thin ice" or "on shaky ground". The word choice I think best fits here is "strained". I am at a point in my life, where there are going to be some major MAJOR changes, and as badly as I want this person to be part of those changes, I don't believe they will be. I think the biggest part that kills me, is that I don't even know if they care to be part of them. I am going to in the next 8 months (hopefully) graduating from college, getting engaged, and starting the next part of my life. It hit me today, that if I do get engaged anytime soon, I don't know if that person will even care to know that I am engaged, and I am not even sure if I want to share that with them; let alone, invite them to the wedding.

In a phone conversation I had with one of my closest friends, he told me that "[I] will just learn to deal with the pain." I really don't want to learn to deal with the pain and the rejection that they are causing me to feel. This person should WANT to and SHOULD do everything they can to be part of my life, yet here I am wondering the next time they are going to call me or even send a text.

This blog is in no way me asking or begging for sympathy. In life, there are things that you cannot control. As badly as I want things to be better between me and said person, I know that only time will heal that (whether it gets better, or we don't talk anymore) . As a very close friend of my boyfriend says, "It is what it is". Things are the way they are, whether or not I like it, and I can choose to let it control my life, or I can move on.

I think in my case, I will have to address the issue head on. But in the mean time, It is what it is, and I am going to just look forward to the day that things are resolved.